Custard has baby-dags

Maths Week came and went without real incident. Barnaby ran around the football field seven times. There was a family maths quiz which has lain forgotten and trampled on the floor. We scored another matchbox and filled it with Latvian coins. It ripped but I taped it up with all the motherly DIY-skills I could muster. There was a fight between moron parents at the marble jar raffle table, something to do with parking, and one of them swore while both were held back from each other like snarling dogs. Good one, Moron Parents. I do not think anyone really feels any more love for or comprehension of numbers, but thank you for trying, School.

Meanwhile, Custard has developed dags in his hair, a bit like Barbie used to when you did not look after her properly. Well, I never had a Barbie with dags, because I was the baby of the family with lots of toys that I did not have to share and so I choose to hoard my stuff, keeping it all pristine and silken and boxed and unsullied. Which means, I suppose, that I have a better track record with my Barbies than with my own children, and it may well be that my childhood OCD requires further investigation. Ah well. Here are the dags:

They will have to be cut out. The excellent platinum Gaga-tribute hair will have to be hacked into, and for that, I am sorry.

This week I have begun giving the baby real food. This is a terrible, shocking bore. Next to labour and five-year olds, it is the worst thing about having offspring. But look how magnificent Baby Ned looks with an apple:

He is spookily goodlooking. And so clever with his four and a half month old hands.

Now, last post I said that if I had a whole day off I would play scrabble and go shopping in Oxfam and stuff. But I did forget to add that I would LOVE to finally go to The Hidden Tea Rooms. Lady Grey is an American who has set up a secret tearoom somewhere near Old Street. There are weekend dates that are emailed to you in advance – they get booked up quickly because *word on the street* says she is excellent and her cakes are divine and the whole thing is a bit mysterious and fabulous. But I have been thinking that my Bad Kids would be unenthusiastically received and weekend babysitters in the day seems a little bit wrong and so I can only imagine how lovely it would be. Here is the link:

Cake, though. Who needs more cake in their lives?

Vogue and Elle say that this season it is all about the beige. Or ‘nude’, or ‘biscuit’. They say that Celine has an excellent collection and really, those are the clothes women want to wear. Utilitarian, pared-down, in shades of beige and biscuit and greyish khaki. But beige is no good for the cake-eater. Nor is Celine. I had tried, really tried to do it right this summer. I have bought beige-y peg-leg trousers and worn with battered converse and breton stripes and Meg Mathews’ old tan leather jacket, but I do not look very good. I look like a clueless suburban lady with unkempt hair. So boo to you, beige police. I am going back to polyester frocks and belts and I shall never, ever wear peg-leg trousers again. Because we have, in our family, thighs like this:

Lesson learnt.

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8 Responses to Custard has baby-dags

  1. Cath says:

    Weekend nannies are the way forward. I am having some hours from July. We look forward to it like some kind of heaven.

  2. PaisleyJade says:

    love the thighs – and the hidden tea room sounds very very nice!

  3. Alison Cross says:

    You made me all nostalgic for fluffy little boy hair with that picture of Custard. I forgot they could get a cloud of tangles at the back of their head.

    I think it’s from being dragged along the carpet by their heels.

    I will never, EVER be wearing peg-leg trousers. I just don’t know who they’re supposed to look good on? Certainly no-one with a pound or two hanging the wrong way like m’self.

    I quite like beige though. Better than grey. Grey makes me look like I’ve been exhumed.

    Can’t wait to hear more about The Hidden Tea Rooms from you 🙂

    Ali x

  4. anya says:

    I too have to cut dags out of Phoenix’s hair. Levi, never, his hair is way to thick like his father’s but PJ, well he got his mother’s fluffy dag prone hair, poor child!

  5. 1) Look at that lovely hair like chick feathers! And the scwoodgy legs! That’s a lot of cuteness right there.

    2) I feel that anything involving cakes is worth making an effort for.

    3) Glad to hear you are giving up the beige. Fashion conspiracy against interesting people who don’t want to wear odd beige clothes be damned. Getcher glad rags on woman.

  6. theharridan says:

    Weekend nannies are indeed the way forward – I would be lying if I said we didn’t have one this weekend, in order to have a bit of Stevie Wonder uncompromised by toddlers.
    Those thighs of Neds’ show no sign of getting firmer. They are soft like raw bread dough. So lovely.
    Ali – that is a most genius suggestion of why the baby-dags have sprung up so suddenly. Could also explain the bruises and the claw-marks around the boys’ door…
    Anya, you and me both with the dag-prone hair. Gwyneth Paltrow has it too.
    Will report back on the Hidden Tea Rooms (if I ever get there). Meanwhile, I will be forcing my cake-ridden body into enormous dresses, like mumu’s. That way, everyone wins.
    Please forgive my wayward apostrophes. I keep forgetting the rules.

  7. Louise says:

    I think the official term is greige:

    Always up for babysitting on weekends, though, as you will see from my tweet, you may return to a child with a black eye.

  8. theharridan says:

    Thanking you, Louise. And am most keen for you to babysit. a little blackeye never really hurt anyone.

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