I am not in labour yet, and I am three days overdue. I am well, except for the elephantitis legs, the pelvic pressure which is like there is a huge big fat baby pressing on my bits (oh, wait, there IS) and I am a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde. You just never know if I am going to hug you and offer you lovely chicken sandwiches and coffee and newish magazines to take home with perhaps a freebie mascara chucked in for feelgood factor, or if I will start crying at you and maybe throw something at the wall. Sometimes the kids, but mostly not. The bladder has been struggling, and it seems has given up the fight, which works so well with this persistent and nasty cough that takes me by surprise every few minutes. Between a houseful of small wees-dribbling boys and now me, it is surprising anyone can actually step in through the front door. Oh! The ammonia! The shame!
Anyway, of course, once this baby exits, about 6 months after I shall be wistful about the state of pregnancy and all a bit “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle”ish about other pregnant women and I will be lingering in the pregnancy vitamins aisle in Boots. Kind of like a nutter, but there you go. I have gotten away with this kind of behaviour 4 times now so should really Let It Go. Perhaps Think About The Future and figure out what to do with myself, other than the obvious things like:
1) Get properly skinny, with sculpted arms and a narrow waist, which may in turn hoick up my face a bit from joining my neck;
2) Get to NY again;
3) Turn into quite the entrepreneurial business-lady in a few sharp suits with Secret Genius Project (and of course a Chanel 2.55 as I have previously mentioned but also with a Mulberry Alexa for the weekend);
4) Read Salinger. Ahem.
So, tomorrow is Barnaby’s birthday and we are off to Bramley’s for some soft-play fun with 14 kids. I have been baking today which was Very Hard For Me because my baking skills are very babyish. I burnt the top of the cake and ruined some shortbread buttons which melted (melted?) in the oven, but had some success with chocolate cupcakes. What is left tonight is to wrap the Transformer, the Lego truck, the WikiStix and the pirate thing, and to figure out how to make red icing for the spiderman cake face, and to, er, maybe squeeze out a baby. We shall see.