Two weeks ago, I had another baby boy. No surprises there, I guess. My imaginary daughter named Goldie will have to stay imaginary, because we’ve been given a very lovely alternative.
After the doctor accidentally broke my waters on the due date, and after me puking on the street and wetting my one remaining pair of maternity trousers on the walk home, and after a post-school, pre-hospital heated family argument involving the skewed attitude of teenage boys and featuring finger-wagging and quite a lot of comedy-esque mid-shout contracting, we went up to the hospital again where the contractions began to wear off and I became worried that I had, indeed, become an anxious first time labouring mother all over again, mistaking puny little are-they-aren’t-they? cramps for the real thing. I did some furious pacing around the hospital bed perimeters and some jumping for about five and a half hours to keep up the momentum and three quick pushes after that, we got this guy:
The initial OH, NOT ANOTHER BABY BOY wore off after a few minutes, and so did all of my 40- weeks-long anxiety that having another baby was a terrible, selfish, greedy, deluded mistake. As it turns out, it is a lovely, lucky, profound privilege to have another baby. I had forgotten that bit.
Here I am, post-shower, post-up-all-night the morning after delivery, sniffing the little velvety head and attempting to find my pelvic floor muscles. In an astonishing turn of events, I found them. Who knew that giving birth got a bit easier on the old 41 year old body by the sixth time?
His name is Remi Scout – a name largely cobbled together after I asked the concerned Instagram community what might be a good boy’s name just in case it turned out that a silken haired, fragrant little Goldie wasn’t on the cards. Remi feels a little bit French, good for both a cute little boy and a fanciable man (am I allowed to say that?) and Scout is the name the boys were most keen on. They think Remi is a bit awful, and were quite adamant about it – Otis even suggested that the baby cried for the sole reason that his name was so bad.
But they are over it now and are all very keen to hold him and cuddle him and settle him back to sleep. They like choosing his ‘costumes’ especially. There was some initial enthusiasm for helping with nappies but they’ve moved on from that – any hint of a baby fart and they are outta there.
Boys with their newest brother:
Oh, it makes my milk go just by watching that. Speaking of the boobs, at the latch-on, those nipples feel like someone is chopping them off with a blunt knife – even after six goes at it. It’s all winced-face and breathing through it, which feels a bit dramatic but is entirely necessary. Getting out of the shower is a trial, with my nipples as pointy as a pinky finger and accessorised by scabby bits that scrape against the towel, sending me into a World Of Momentary Pain and Swearing. There are disposable knickers in my world now, and a pouchy shelf for a stomach (good to balance the chomping razor-gummed baby on), puffy eyes and a bit of delusional glazed-eyes ranting whenever anyone asks me a benign question. I also cry quite a bit – today, I went to the Registrar’s Office to register the birth and when the poor man asked me how to spell my husband’s surname, my voice caught in a sob on the third letter. At the time, it felt like a very profound question, all right?
Current state of postpartum face (notice especially the under-eye situation):
Also, the birth seems to have given me a new crop of short, wiry grey hairs, hormonal spots, split ends and a persistent cough. Want to wake up the baby? Have a tickly 3am throat! IT WORKS WONDERS.
Here is my most treasured photo of the new baby – the one where he undeniably looks like David Jason as Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses. His knitted cap was made by Mark’s lovely nana twenty years ago – she made a whole lot of lovely things for her future great grandchildren and we got a stash. Have you ever seen anything more fantastic? And that face – that FACE! And more to follow…..
David Jason doppleganger situation:
David Jason Travels the West Coast in ‘Planes, Trains & Automobiles’ Series
The Harridan 
Oh wow, he’s gorgeous! So many congratulations to you and it’s lovely that the boys are all keen to join in. Look forward to more pictures, enjoy the newborn loveliness xxxx
I am loving the newbornness so much – it feels like it is slipping away though. He still smells like a vanilla spice biscuit, thank goodness x
Honest and to the point as always but especially beautiful this time because it’s all about babies and everything that comes with it.. And I love that Nana made all those knits for all the great grandchildren that she would never meet. Wish I had that kind of talent and foresight! Huge congratulations again on the birth of your beautiful baby boy Remi Scout.. Hope to see him soon 💙💙
Thanks Roz – I reckon I’ll be up at the school gates soon. Ish. Maybe.
What an absolutely wonderful baby!!!! Thank you so much for sharing him with us!! Thrilled for you all! By the way, you look about 21 in the pictures ~ especially the hospital one. Amazing.
SO happy for all of you!!!!!!!
I love the sound of looking 21 – I’ll take that!
So many congratulations! What a lovely little chap. All best wishes to you and all the family. Do xxx
Thank you! xx
What a peach – congratulations!
You have SIX sons.
How weird is that? The two of us are now eight…no idea how that really happened. Marvellous but mind-boggling.
I smile every time I read your blogs but more so this time! His a beaut but I just love your whole let’s roll with this attitude to life ! I think your all so cool I’ve seen the happiness remi has bought you all !!! I look forward to seeing all that unfolds in your amazing talented family’s future . X
Thanks Max – you are the kindest! And yeah, we so should have one more…!
What wonderful news. A gorgeous boy.
Thank you! He is a total dream!
He is FANTASTIC. Babies are the best thing ever. I would have had millions of them, if I didn’t have to bring them up after the first 6 weeks. Well done you!
I am quite odd in that I love the first bit. I am intoxicated by newborns – the delirium suits me. Though I should stay off the road, I think.
The best news!! He is adorable, and you’re looking great. And look at him with his big brothers, what a gorgeous team! Making my ovaries wobble…
Take good care of yourself. Many congratulations xx
My ovaries haven’t stopped wobbling – I reckon we could squeeze in one more before my bits give up entirely.
Gorgeous baby, beautiful mother and in the heart of a fabulous band of brothers! Many congratulations to you all. Love the hand-knits too!
Thank you – I am feeling fairly haggard but its all worth it – shredded nips and all.
Congratulations! Lovely pictures of the boys meeting their new baby brother.
Thanks! They’ve been really sweet – the novelty hasn’t worn off yet…
He is beautiful! I love his name and how his brothers picked out the middle one. Those are wonderful pics! I can see that this baby brother will be doted on by his older siblings. Congrats to you and Mark, xoxo.
Thank you! The big boys have been so in love with him – it is lovely to see. They say we should go for another one….
Well, he is a smasher! Congratulations and I personally love his name – I also think it’s important to consider names as adults and whether they’d really want to be called something ‘cutesy’ x
Thank you – yes, his name feels really ‘right’. Oh, he is lovely, though!
Congratulations to all! New baby, new brother, new son (but you knew all that!)
Indeed. Lovely stuff XX
Oh he’s so lovely! Congrats to all.
Thank you!
Most excellent news! What a magnificent team of boys. It’s difficult to say ‘Six sons’ without having the intonation of Mary Poppins, but that’s probably another thing in its favour! Is Remi ‘raymee’ or ‘remmee’? There is something so spectacular about having such a big brood of delightful boys – congratulations to you all.
It’s a ‘remmee’ situation – he still feels like an unnamed baby though. And thank you! He’s so lovely xxx
‘Unnamed Baby’! Maybe he’ll end up being UB in the same way that my cousin ended up being called Beej. He was colicky and they called him ‘Bloody Grizzly’, which shrunk to B.G. which carried on shrinking to Beej. Suits him! Seems like your lovely Remi doesn’t fit that bill, tho, re his approach to life. I love the magnificence of a family of eight, with six fabulous boys.