This is how bored I am:
I just washed my hair at 2pm.
I am considering going through my clothes, ironing the unloved, photographing them, listing them on ebay.
I am ‘supervising’ the holiday homework. (I am secretly actually AGAINST holiday homework. Who cares if they cannot write their name when they get back to school? Who cares if they have forgotten how to hold a pen/sit at a desk/count? Not me. But that is because I am an apathetic middle-class parent who is a bit lazy and disengaged. At least I am self-aware, if not actually good at the hard parts of parenting).
I am not only bored, but I am sulking. Because I would like to spend the last 12 days we have left of these holidays staying somewhere where there is
But we are not going anywhere. And so I will have to get used to wearing jeans and weatherproof boots. IN AUGUST.
We are all so bored and sulky we are making involuntary low moaning sounds. We are half-dressed, we are cranky, we are finding toothpicks and are making small holes in the leather couch with the pointy end. We are also wetting our pants and then hiding.
That is what happens when you are five weeks into a holiday but you go NOWHERE. Bad, bad things.
Anyway. Sigh. Low moan.
Kerry sent me this, and I am to post ten interesting things about myself. This may just alleviate the deep pain of my holiday ennui but it may not be interesting.
1. I studied film and art history at university. Swedish Film was the best. It involved long Friday afternoons in the AV department basement, watching Ingmar Bergman movies. I was “learning”.
2. We own a property in Auckland. It has two houses on it, some chickens and some rotting verandas. We used to think we would like to come back to it and live there. That was before we had hundreds of children who now will not fit. Planning ahead FAIL.
3. I have no parental panic button. It is entirely missing. When the children do dangerous things, I merely shrug, if I bother to look up at all. Two years ago, Noah fell from a cafe chair into a small Greek harbour. I just kind of watched, interested. Mark dived in and saved him. I think this lack of panic may be our downfall.
4. I am seafood-phobic. It all disgusts me. I won’t touch chips if they have been wrapped up in newspaper close to fish. Prawn crackers are revolting. I am nervous of fish sauce. Anchovies are the devil. Seafood, in all of its slimy stinky guises, is my krypotonite. (As is maths, to be fair).
5. My mother is a very good landscape painter. I used to be fairly good at art at school. Now my genius six year old firstborn is impressing me with this kind of stuff:
Meanwhile, his brother, who is perhaps less artistically gifted but no less perceptive, has come up with this lovely drawing of him and his enormously-wide-girthed dad:
6. I had a very large mullet while growing up. It started off quite flicky and manageable, but, post-puberty, my short mullety bits grew outwards from my head like a bushy lion’s mane, with long silky wavy brushed pony hair running down my back. It was a bit like this:
It was a very difficult mullet to deal with. So at about 12, I sacrificed the long pony hair at the back, to allow the lion’s mane to ‘join in’ with the rest of my head. It worked. I have been mullet-less for 22 years now. *proud, sheds a tear, high fives self*
7. I speak no languages other than English. I know little about politics and I am embarrassingly ignorant of current affairs. Yet I think I am quite smart. It may be all relative.
8. My parents took me to Disneyland in California twice when I was a child. My much older brothers and sister stayed home. I cannot comment on it all really, except to say it was awesome. For me, not so much for them.
9. I met my husband when I was 14. I used to think I was somehow disadvantaged by meeting him when I was so young, but I now think I am lucky.
10. I believe in God, and think that that is why I am not often glum. My cheery disposition is directly related to my thoughts about God, or so I think. I used to be a Sunday School teacher but I was a bit rubbish. I also used to play this rather averagely:
In a group a little bit like this:
But I was younger, and sporting a mullet.