Oh yes, I have been away, and you KNOW how I like to sum up my gadding-about with a song. A music-less ditty which should both educate you and charm you. Bucolic Cornwall. Here is my tribute.

CORNWALL

Cornwall, Cornwall,

The land of clotted cream and other dairy products

You recycle everything

And you have a lot of intricate waste-water systems 

Which I now know a lot about

Thanks to your signage.

Cornwall, Cornwall,

You have a lot of plants

And rabbits

And windy beaches with cold people huddled up on.

YOU ARE SO LOVELY!

Even if you are about seven hours drive away

And your pasties are a little bit average.

Ithankyou.

So, we went away for a week. In case the ditty has left you with more questions than answers, here is a little highlights/lowlights list for you to compare and contrast:

BUCOLIC CORNWALL HIGHLIGHTS:

1. The ice cream is all very worthy and creamy and traceable (i.e. the eggs came from that farm and the milk from that herd in that paddock over there, etc etc). The children loved it, as these helpfully placed photo shows:

And on and on to infinity. There was ice cream every day. And chips, because you cannot escape chips on holiday. Apparently.

2. There was a hot tub in the cottage. It was awesome, except when Casper emptied the water out and left us hot-tubless for 24 hours. That bit was naaaasty.

3. The cottage landlords had an excellently placed (i.e. upstairs) 14 year old daughter who babysat twice. She was gorgeous, with flaming red hair and extremely good mascara application. Thick, dark lashes that she swore were simply Max Factor, but I suspect were very good fake ones. Because I can tell, now that I have narrowly escaped the clutches of Bad Lashery. Anyway, we got home after the first night having dined at the excellent New Yard restaurant in the Trelowarren estate, and she had done the weirdest things with the children. They had no pyjamas on, only nappies, but the nappies were on the big children, not the little ones, and all the lamps were on in their room. It was like broad daylight in there, with the smell of wee hanging sharply in the air. We got her the next night too.

3. The scenery was gorgeous. The boys were mostly well-behaved. There were lighthouses to explore, and farms, and tadpoles to watch and donkeys to listen to. There were seals in the water. SEALS!

4. Kynance Cove. Even for a hardened our-beaches-are-better-than-yours-New Zealander, this beach was a surprise.

No matter the wind factor, or the bit when Casper tried to jump off the cliff. The rockpools were everything little boys need.

CORNWALL LOWLIGHTS:

1. The stinging nettles got a little bit boring, as did the wind on the Lizard Peninsula. I was always a little bit cold. Here are some four-year-old knees that have been stung repeatedly by those sly nettle bastards:

2. The pepper in the eyes episode. This morning, the boys shook pepper onto the baby’s head, which moved into his eyeballs. Then they all got some in their eyeballs. Cue much wailing, puffy pseudo-allergic reactions, emergency baths, baby wipes, angry parents, and NO TRIP TO THE LIGHTHOUSE GIFT SHOP YOU FOOLISH AND MEAN GANG OF LITTLE NASTY BOYS. Ahem. All while I was *supposed* to be packing, but was in the pantry, playing Words With Friends. The pantry got the best wireless signal, ok?

3. There was no dishwasher in the cottage. That sucked bigtime. It was like going back into olden times, or something, and I didn’t like it.

And here is me, looking so puffy (which may or may not have something to do with sauvignon blanc) but with a happy little baby with nothing other than sunshine in his baby-eyes.