Tall Tales

So much to say! So much to report – because I have been busy going OUT! And it is school holidays, 9:05am and I am in my pyjamas and intend on remaining in them for as long as I can – at least, until sub-contractors start turning up looking for keys/paychecks/tins of paint, etc. I actually AM a busy lady with lots of child-and-domestic-related chores, but whenever anyone is looking, I am sitting here with coffee checking my blog stats or tweeting something innocuous or applying nail polish and ignoring the hair-pulling vicious children.

But I do digress. As I type, Scooby Doo is keeping the children from hurting each other, and so I shall quickly get out all the Very Interesting Things that I have done this week.

Sunday: Out for drinks with the ladies for salmon canapes and Oyster Bay. Nothing really notable here, except that I wore my new grey Kate Sylvester dress and I told too many indiscrete tales about the Secret Genius Project and  my husband. My bad.

[Please let me say “my bad” without sniggering. It makes me feel down with the kids.]

Tuesday: Skype meeting with the designers in New Zealand. Except that they forgot, so we googled images of babies and drank tea and ate biscuits instead. It were wild.

Thursday: Tall Tales’ reading evening in Kilburn. Notable for three things;

Belgian Waffling – Yes, she was there, and she was all things fabulous and funny and with the skin of a newborn angel, or something. With perhaps the pinkest and most clean feet in all the world.

Outright Ingrate – Yes, she was there too, and she is also very funny. She has cool hair and laughed at my jokes. I was standing because I was late, and my old-lady-arthritic knees where getting a bit ouchy in my half-size-babyish heels, so I had to sit down and drink half-pints and gin with her while straining to see through the audience to the stage. Which brings me to my next point:

Gin – I had too much, and so Friday was a sad day of sickness and murky despair.

Friday: Mostly a sad day of sickness and murky despair. See above. However, we did venture into Mayfair to MacCulloch & Wallis to talk to a handsome gay young man called Lexus about the properties of cotton jersey. He was like the grown-up son of Gok Wan and Finn from Glee, if such a joyous happening could, er, happen.

Saturday: It is hard to describe Saturday’s Wedding of Crapness without being really mean. So I won’t even try not to be. I didn’t know the bride and groom, they asked for cash, they forgot to give us any drinks, no food was served at all from the time the wedding began at 2:30pm until 7:30pm and it was food served on plastic plates! With plastic knives and forks! Like being on a plane! It was in a darkened hall, as I just KNEW it would be and the DJ practised his horrible musak and woke the baby up. The waiters were so slow that some of the guests got up and served everyone else. Oh it was dreadful.

Sunday: Church, on Regent Street, with my parents. Custard got naughty, so I snuck out with him to Topshop and bought a dress and got back in time to have some chocolate biscuits. Everyone won. Except for the part when we went to John Lewis on the way home to look at beds and the children did Bad Stuff to other customers with pretend guns and dirty shoes and we were told off twice.

And here we are again. Monday. In the spirit of ‘here we go again’, here is a photo of the boys in their hats of two weeks ago, doing something Chippendale-esque and entirely, utterly WRONG.

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3 Responses to Tall Tales

  1. alison cross says:

    Wow – that’s quite a time of it you’ve had! The wedding sounds very…special.

    Am loving your ‘3 half-pints of the law’ pix!

    Ali x

  2. Is that a pirate version of The Full Monty? (Should I say the uncut version or is that just beyond the pale?)

    You are too kind. Your knees just allowed me an excuse to sit whilst appearing to be generous. Win-win.

  3. Alison says:

    Oh Jodi,

    You are too funny. You make me laugh when I am otherwise a bit sad about grandfatherly things.


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