Last night I went to the movies all by myself. It was a bit loserish, and I did it for effect. Unfortunately, no one noticed I was gone. There must be a lesson in that.
AND I missed out on the X Factor, and seeing Cheryl Cole all dressed up like a nearly-nekkid Dragoon with meshy bits over her bosoms (SIGH). The movie was that new Jennifer Aniston/Aaron Eckhard love story, but instead of filling it with rascally ferrets and dance routines and fabulous occasions to wear gowns, it was filled with stories of dead people and the ensuing grief. There was a parrot, but it was neither cute nor rascally. In fact, I think it was actually a cockatiel. All in all, a lose-lose situation. And I haven’t even begun on the £10 fee to get in to said Movie-Of-Despair.
Anyhoo, it is my turn to do my list of things to do before I turn 35. 35 seems a bit random, and the closer I get to it, the more unfair it seems to be picking on it. But there you go. And I cannot give you many things as I am not that imaginative, so I will try for 15. Here are 15 things I would like to do before I turn 35 (or die, whichever comes first).
1. Live in New York.
2. Make a huge amount of money from my secret genius project.
3. Have at least one Chanel 2.55 bag. The jumbo one. In grey, then red, then black.
4. I would like to be thin. Not freaky thin, but like, you go to get some winter boots and the ones in the shop fit your calves. Like, not having to go find a Specialty Shop. I wanna be normal.
5. Do a cooking course somewhere in Italy.
6. Master Pilates. (This may be part of #4).
7. Own a vintage Rolex. A big 1940’s one with a tan leather strap.
8. Grow my hair all blondely and wavy and long and yet thick. Not hair that gets thinner and sadder and droopier.
9. Do a masters in English.
10. Learn how to bake something nicely. Like a birthday cake that will not fail. Am thinking for that, I will need:
11. To own a red KitchenAid food processor.
12. Visit Auschwitz. I know. Everyone else thinks I am awful for wanting to go. But I do.
13. Visit my parents so my children can get to know them. Hopefully this can happen before I turn 35.
14. Switch from flat shoes to heels. Without blistering or hobbling.
15. Be free of nappies forever. Huggies, it has been fun, but I am ready to sever our relationship.
I am sure there are more latent desires lurking within me, and I am sure I have some that are less selfish and more about contributing in a positive way to the world at large. Like recycling better. And becoming a kind parent. But right now, it is all about Chanel and thinness. At least I am honest. Ahem.
Here is Custard with his dad. He can say “Hooray!”, can point to his tummy, and can smash the bridge of my nose with an ill-timed head-butt. He is learning so fast.
The Harridan 
You are a genius. Reading your blog made my morning. You should add: “write a book” to the list, cause you could do it easily and would make millions. In the style of an agony aunt for the fashion of our times. I would swop that for the MA – they are overrated.
Ditto to what she said. And also, #11? We are soulmates.
agree with Cath. you are brilliant and hilarious! Write a book
# 11 should also be on my list but in white…..but I can’t see it happening when we need air con, a driveway, a patio…….I could go on.
I too went to the movies with my no-mates recently, on Monday in fact. I saw Mao’s Last Dancer and really loved it with my chicken wrap, coffee and bag of popcorn. It seemed the other 3 people in the movie theatre enjoyed it too.
How oh how did I miss this post? You are brilliant, did you know that? BRILLIANT
The cake thing can be sorted right here: Dana’s chocolate cake recipe. It is no fail, delicious and as easy as throwing all the ingredients into said RED KitchenAid food processor. i think I have posted it on my blog, Anya has if I haven’t. 🙂