Unfortunate failings

Things that I have discovered about myself this week:


1. I am intolerant of sickness. Which is Bad Luck for my poor children. Barnaby has some sort of devilish ear infection which makes him freak out in the evening, turn quite blue in the face and makes him mutter “OW OW OW” in long, pained, monologues. And I kind of do a bit of patting, and say “Shush” and then look wildly around for something to distract him, or me. TV? Chocolate biscuit? Wine? WINE! Except I am pregnant, and so can’t actually do that.

And I wish for someone else to be here because I cannot stand it. Not a sympathetic bone in my body. I grew up in a household where any symptoms complained of to my mother were quickly redirected to my father because he was a Meat Inspector (“go show him your swollen tongue/burning forehead/oozing scab”) and he would take one look, tell you you were fine, and nothing more was said of it. Which I have to say has made me tough, robust, not the least bit worried about pesky epidemics such as swine flu, and ultimately a low-maintenance kind of girl. It is just a bit unfortunate that I do not have the skills to soothe my poor babies. Noah, too, has a scabby rash all over his face. The kind man at the off-licence today was trying to engage Noah by asking him something about his Batman shirt. Noah slowly turns his head to answer the man, the true skanky rash-horror was revealed, and the man quite quickly made his purchases and left. Noah, frankly, looks a bit leper-esque. And again, I find myself lacking in the requisite mothering skills to help the poor guy out. 

I have made one concession – we will all go to the doctor tomorrow to make sure there is no permanent damage, and will get Custard some overdue immunisations. Because I FORGOT to immunise my son. Who does that? I am about a year late. Tsk.

2. I am good at cutting calories down until I, say, spy a Twirl bar which has been sitting on Mark’s desk for nearly two years.  I eat it, even though I register it tastes sort of sour and sort of cardboardy. And then I eat a Solero “because today was hard.” Sigh.

3. I am fixated on eating as many plums from the communal garden as I possibly can. I have tried all of the plum trees, moved on to the cherry tree, and have concocted quite complicated table/chair/table towers in order to reach the best clusters. The Proper Gardening Lady may regret she ever gave me the go-ahead.

4. I am spending a disproportionate amount of time on Farmville. This, for those of you normal people who act, well, normally, is a pointless Facebook application. You make a farm, plow, buy seeds and harvest. Should I visit my farm throughout the day? No. But I do, and I am shamed.


I am now going to watch “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. Apparently, Custard is a dead-ringer for Benjamin. Good to know.


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2 Responses to Unfortunate failings

  1. honeymoon1 says:

    Great, honest blog. The only phrase i seem to use more than ‘now do i make myself ABSOLUTELY clear?’ is ‘there, there, Mummy’s here’ , all the while feigning a level of concern they think befits the severity of the latest grazed knee. Tedious and energy zapping.

  2. Jane says:

    Ok, I can’t help myself: NO CLIMBING on towers of chairs and tables!!! You are PREGNANT!! Ok, now that my protective streak has vented itself, I can breathe…

    As someone who had a million illnesses as a child, and spent lots of time off school with earache and such things, I have a tip for a weary mother: put your sick child in bed with a teaspoon of crushed Disprin and honey (mixed together) and tell sick child to suck it slowly. It’s quite yum and somehow feels like a treat, all the while easing the pain without you needing to be there. Plus the sucking helps the earache too. Barley sugars etc are also good for this. Hopefully this will help lead to child who is out of sight and sound and feeling better (and slightly spoilt) and hence whinging less. Then there is no need for you to feign sympathy 😉

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