DOOM a guitar amp

Oh dear. This morning, a Saturday, which is Mark’s turn for a sleep-in, I noticed the light on in our room. The door was closed, and usually as Sleep-Ins are fairly well respected here, I would not have gone in until 9am, when I think it is more than fair to let the children in, regardless of how deep a sleep Mark may be in. But this morning was different. I heard a strumming sound. So I pushed opened the door, to see my husband sitting on the floor, in unfortunate shiny boxers, hitched only halfway up revealing his nicely cultivated Builder’s Crack, strumming his Totally Ignored And Never Ever Played guitar, plugged into a new, mysterious orange amp! There was such earnestness to the exercise that it was almost sweet. But really. An AMP. That means some evenings this week (not many, mind, as Mark cannot keep up hobbies more than about 3 days) I will have to witness some googling of terrible songs, then swearing and general blustering as the printer won’t work/his fingers will be too fat to play/the amp will not work properly/the guitar will not tune up well enough, etc. Then I will have the mac wretched from me as he trawls ebay looking for a better guitar and/or a better amp. And then all will be forgotten when he starts looking at 4-wheel drives again. 

But we will be left with this:



Just as we have been left with 

 – the Outback Professional Range Pro BBQ – a behemoth that has never been used;

 – the Swiss ball and blue 5kg handweights that have followed us from flat to flat over the last seven years and have never been used;

 – the bits of MDF that he will make a ‘table’ from – these have never been used;

 – the film reel rescued from a demolished house that may be ‘worth some money’. These lie dusty under his side of the bed, never been valued or in fact looked at;

 – the skateboard rescued from a skip – never been used;

and the damning list goes on, and on, and on.


Alas. I am just bitter because the infernal rugby is on, and somewhere in deepest, darkest Shepherd’s Bush, Mark and Noah are in some antipodean’s living room at 9am, munching crisps and drinking toxic fizzy drinks, while cheering on the All Blacks. I would rather kill myself than join in, which makes me a bit of a Defective New Zealander. I do not care for the sports (must whisper that). I also do not care for boats and have a bit of a fish and seafood phobia. I am, in essence, made for a different place. Probably New York, except for the fact that am not groomed enough, a little bit frightened of high heels and not very thin.  London, then.

Anyway, I have only two children to drag around with me today owing to the infernal rugby, so really should go mad and Do Something. Portobello? Or a sink into the Vogue issue with Julianne Moore. Tough choice.

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6 Responses to DOOM a guitar amp

  1. PaisleyJade says:

    ha – no worries… I’m no rugby fan either. Reminds me of Symon and his monthly hobbies… at the moment it’s chess – who knows what it will be in a months time! He also had an amp once… apparently it is my fault it’s gone now:

  2. Cath says:


    Oh how I love your blog. I live my live vicariously through it. One day I will step out from behind a tree in the communal garden and admit to my stalking admiration.

  3. Dean says:

    wow-Marks got a lot of cool stuff-and he gets to watch the rugby as well – luckyguy!

  4. Anya says:

    I hate swiss balls! My husband has one the size of a hot air balloon because apparently thats the size he needs to perform rude and strange exercises on. Each morning I return it to the garage after he has violated and discarded it moving on to some even ruder floor exercises!!!!!!

  5. kerry says:

    Deans right. hes got the best life…….and he can watch the rugby!!!!!
    Having lived away from NZ for now about 10 years I cant miss looking at sports results or to see how NZ is doing. Nearly every day I check the boys to see if they love the All blacks.
    ..Got to start them young……love your blog. And we miss you all. Love from us.

  6. amber says:

    Anya, any chance you could post some pics of those exercises that sounds like something I gotta see (not in a pervy way btw)
    PS, Jodi see if you can make your comments appear on the main blog page then if I write something funny people can see.

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